Amateur Scientifics

Q: What’s a light-year?

A: The same as a regular year, but with less calories.

STARS

Q: What does a star win in a competition?

A: A constellation prize

Q: What kind of stars wear sunglasses?

A: Movie stars

Q: Why did the star get arrested?

A: Because it was a shooting star!

Q: Why didn’t the Dog Star laugh at the joke?

A: It was too Sirius.

Q: Who here can tell me the distance from Betelgeuse to Procyon

using a standard chart?”

A: About an inch and a half.

* Sirius, the dog star, is moving closer to Earth at a rate of nine miles per

second. This means someday we could be in Sirius trouble.

ASTRONAUTS

Astronomy Jokes And HumourQ: Where does an astronaut dock his spacecraft?

A: At a parking meteor.

Q: What happened to the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum?

A: He got stuck in Orbit!

Q: How does one astronaut on the moon tell another astronaut that he is sorry?

A: He Apollo-gises.

Q: How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?

A: You rocket!

Q: What do you call a crazy spaceman?

A: An astro-nut

Q: What do astronauts wear to keep warm?

A: Apollo-neck sweaters!

Q: How do spacemen pass the time on long trips?

A: They play astronauts and crosses!

ALIENS

Q: What do you call an alien with three eyes?

A: An aliiien!

Q. What do you do if you see an an aggressive alien?

A. Give it some space!

Q. What should you do if you see a green alien?

A. Wait until it’s ripe!

Q: What come from another world and are really slow?

A: Snailiens!

Q: What did the alien say to the garden?

A: Take me to your weeder!

Astronomy Periodic Table

PLANETS

* Scientists have found that the center of Jupiter contains the letter “i”.

*Jupiter came down to Earth one day and helped these two criminals plan a bank robbery. Anyway, they both got caught and after the judge sentenced the two earthlings to fifteen years behind bars, Jupiter was a bit shocked to get arrested and handed a ten year stretch himself. “But your honour. I didn’t even take part in the robbery!” said Jupiter. “Yes” replied the judge. “But you did help them Planet!”

Q: How does Jupiter hold up his trousers?

A: With an asteroid belt.

Q: What type of songs do the planets sing?

A: Nep-tunes!

Q: What did Mars say to Saturn?

A: Give me a ring sometime!

*The density of Saturn is so low that the whole planet would float on the water in your bath? However, you wouldn’t want to try this experiment at home as it would leave a massive ring around the tub.

MOON

*One kid asks the other, “Which is closer, Florida or the Moon? the second answers: “Duh! The Moon! You can’t see Florida from here!

Q: what do you call a tick on the moon?

A: A luna-tick.

Q: How do you know when the moon is going broke?

A: When it’s down to its last quarter.

Q: What was the name of the first satellite to orbit the Earth?

A: The Moon.

Q: How does the Man in the Moon cut his hair?

A: Eclipse it.

Q: Did you hear about the bones they found on the moon?

A: It seems like the cow didn’t make it after all. (hey diddle diddle)

Q: What do moon people do when they get married?

A: They go off on their honeyearth!

Q: Why does a moon rock taste better than an Earth rock?

A: It’s a little meteor.

Q: Why couldn’t the astronaut book a room on the moon?

A: Because it was full.

Q: How is the moon like a dollar?

A: It has four quarters.

Q: Why is the Moon bald?

A: He has no ‘air

SUN

Q: Why has Ms. Moon left Mr. Sun?

A: Because he never wants to go out with her at night.

*I was up all night wondering where the Sun had gone… then it dawned on me.

*Living on Earth might be expensive but at least you get a free trip around the Sun every year.

* Copernicus’ parents might deserve some of the credit for his great discovery. Apparently at the age of twelve they said to him: “Copernicus, young man, when are you going to realize that the world does NOT revolve around you.”

HUMOUR